Here Comes Poor Charlie!

Uh oh, here comes poor, destitute Charlie! Hey Charlie, what’s happening? Still poor? Aw, poor ol’ poor Charlie! Look at you, you wear the same clothes to school every other day! You only got, like, two shirts! What’s the matter, your broke-ass parents can’t afford you no new clothes to wear to school?

It’s alright, Charlie, I heard your mom found some work over on 10th street. I hear she keeps the hot dog vendor’s wieners warm for three bucks an hour. Whoa-ho! Not a bad gig for someone who never made it past the 5th grade. I guess with her working at least your dad doesn’t have to be the sole bread-winner of the family. I know he’s bringing in the big bucks with his job taste-testing cat food. Yeah, that’s right, your old man eats cat food all day! What do you think of that?

So, Charlie, tell me, what did you think of The Sopranos finale? Oh wait a minute, I forgot. Your food-stamp-collecting ass can’t afford cable TV! Well maybe you can watch it on your computer at home. What do you have, a 386? You’re probably so poor you don’t even know what a computer is! Haw haw, what a joke you are!

Hey, listen, come here. I want to show you something. This here is a ten dollar bill, check it out. Have you ever seen one of these? Bet you haven’t. But I bet your mom has a roll of one-dollar bills in a drawer with her delicates! No wait, come back here, Charlie. Listen, anyway, if you take this over to 7-11 and buy me a Snapple Peach Iced Tea, I’ll give you 50 cents. It takes your mom ten minutes to earn that keeping the wieners warm, but you can earn it in three. What do you say?

Great, now hurry up, get my tea and get your penniless ass back here in a jiff so I can get out of here. I have three patients with impacted molars to see today.