That didn’t sound very racist in my head

Oh God.

Wait, no, that’s not what I meant. No, no, seriously!!! You knew what I meant, right? I’m not a — Shit!!!

Really, I’m not! I was just trying to say  — well, I’m not sure, exactly. I’m sure I had a really good point.

But that didn’t sound very racist in my head.

Did Steve hear me? Oh god, I don’t think he did. Did he? Seriously? He did, didn’t he? Shit, go check if he heard me.

God, I’m an idiot. I don’t think I’ve ever said something like that before, ever. Why would I do that? Now I look like a huge bigot slash racist slash douchebag. And I’m not!! Why??? Why would I say that?

I’m going to straight to hell, that’s it. Going straight. To. Hell.

I thought it was going to be a witty and subversive commentary on society, but it just looks like I’m full of hate.

Oh GOD! What?? What did my smile look like?? Oh Jesus, are you kidding? Tell me you’re kidding. My big shit-eating grin along with my little Nazi hate mongering. That’s exactly what everyone wants to see! Great. Just… great!

I don’t think Steve heard me. It’s fine. No, it’s seriously fine.

You knew that was a joke, though, right? Like, not even a real joke, but like parody of people who talk like that…?? Right? Tell me you knew that!!

GOD!

I just have to keep my mouth shut from now on. Just stop talking and I will stop doing stupid things like this. Unbelieveable.

Steve’s cool, though. He’d know that was a joke. Right? He’s cool, he would get it. Yeah, he’s cool….